How NOT To Choose A Mate January 28, 2020


When I was a young man someone told me, “Choose only a date who would make a good mate.” That was good advice. A casual relationship can quickly turn into a serious one. Friendships often become lifelong commitments. There are many choices in life, but few have more lasting consequences that who you will marry.

In Genesis 6:1-2 the Bible describes an ancient society where “the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose.” This would set in motion a chain of events that eventually led to the worldwide flood. Civilization was destroyed because of evil imaginations and carnal desires. 

What can we learn from this tragedy?

  1. Do not choose based on appearance. They “saw.” The women were “fair.” Now, all true beauty comes from God, but not everything sinful men think is beautiful lasts. Sin beneath the surface is always ugly and it always comes out eventually. This is why Proverbs 31:30 says, “Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.” Choose the beauty that comes from God. It does not fade with age.
  2. Do not choose for yourself. Notice that “they took them wives of all which they chose.” God does give us the capacity to choose. We have a will. The danger comes when we think we know what is best without consulting God. It was Jim Elliot who said, “God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him.” Find God’s choice and you will have found the best for your life.
  3. Do not choose against your parents. Later in the same book, Genesis 26:34-35, we are told of Esau’s choice to take a wife that was “a grief of mind” to his father and mother. (It would prove to be a grief to him too!) No good ever grows out of rebellion. Contrast this with Jacob’s willingness to wait on God’s choice and follow his father’s instruction (Genesis 27:46; 28:1-9). What a wonderful family grew out of that choice! Choices matter and choices have consequences that may last a lifetime.

God’s plan for marriage from the beginning was “leave and cleave” (Genesis 2:24). But His time and choice is key. A word to young people who are preparing for marriage: Don’t leave before you leave! Stay close to God, close to God’s people, and close to your family. He will show you His choice and you will be glad you waited.

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  1. Thomas Simpson on January 28, 2020 at 10:13 PM

    Thank you, brother Pauley!

    • Scott Pauley on January 29, 2020 at 4:03 PM

      Thanks for reading and passing it on!

  2. caleb on January 30, 2020 at 3:56 PM

    I agree that you should wait to date until you find someone that you think would make a good mate. But

    Where is this idea of jacob being a good example for marriage coming from? He married 4 different women, honestly he rejected God during the entire courting process and did not get right with God until he wrestled with God, his boys hated each other because of the decisions Jacob made in regards to marrying 4 women.

    Furthermore proverbs 18:22 is still in the Bible

    Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

    Furthermore out side of God chosing Eve for Adam, God also Chose Gomer for Hosia. Was Gomer really what you would call the best?

    • Scott Pauley on February 4, 2020 at 10:02 PM

      The example of Jacob following his father and mother’s instruction in finding a wife comes directly from Genesis 28:1-5. Sometimes in Scripture the same character (much like us!) can be a positive example on one hand and a negative example on the other. I believe Jacob obeyed his parents and did find God’s choice for him. This does not mean that his taking of multiple wives was ordained by God.

      In regard to Gomer, yes, I would say he found God’s best for him – it was the Lord’s choice. It is important to remember that Gomer was chosen as an object lesson for the nation of Israel. In our study of Scripture it is important that we do not try to establish a principle based on an exception. My point is simply that God chooses what is best for us and uses definite principles and influences to help guide us to His will.

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