How to Handle Criticism and Accusation
Over forty million people in the United States live in what they consider to be a state of constant fear. One million of them live in such fear that they will not leave their homes. Doctors have now named fears such as “ablutohobia” – the fear of bathing, “cacophobia” – the fear of ugliness, “cibophobia” – the fear of food (I have never had this fear!), and “dentophobia” – the fear of dentists. Ours has become a culture of fear and those who feed on it.
God never intended for man to live this way. The first fear was introduced in the world as a result of man’s sin. Christ alone is the end to a life of fear. In John Bunyan’s “Pilgrim’s Progress,” Mr. Fearing found no peace until he saw the cross. The Lord Jesus came to “…deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage” (Hebrews 2:15). God does not want us to live and die in the bondage of fear. Ezekiel 2:6 begins, “And thou, son of man, be not afraid of them, neither be afraid of their words“.
Fear of People
Much of life is spent learning what to fear and what not to fear. The number one fear most people identify with is their fear of people. We are all far too concerned with what others think and say. This is a snare of the devil. Caught in this trap, men do things they normally would not do and fail to do what they should.
David knew what it was to run for his life. Even after becoming king of Israel, he continued to face enemies. But in Psalm 27:1, he declares, “The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” Faith in God alone releases us from the fear of man.
Over two hundred times in Scripture we are reminded of the fear of the Lord. Only the fear of God casts out lesser fears. Oswald Chambers wisely said, “As soon as God becomes real, other people become shadows.” The Lord intends us to be free…free to please Him alone. This is the life of peace and quiet confidence in God. “So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.” (Hebrews 13:6)
Fear of Criticism
I like to be liked. So do you! However, there is a great danger in seeking to please men — desiring to gain their compliments and avoid their criticism. Proverbs 29:25 begins, ”The fear of man bringeth a snare…”
Living for the praise of men is empty. Accolades and acknowledgment do not bring fulfillment. Beware! Compliments will make you a man of men, not a man of God. Listening to others boast of you is just as deadly as boasting of yourself. Dr. Lee Roberson used to say that we must “die to compliments and criticism.” Both tend to rouse the flesh. Men who walk in the Spirit cannot afford to listen to the flesh, whether it speaks positively or negatively.
You can tell a lot about a man when he is criticized. The sad reality is that criticism destroys many good men. It is not their reputation that is ruined. It is their spirit. Growing hardened from criticism, they become cynics, victims, wounded souls. It does not have to be this way. Taken in faith, criticism can be God’s tool to keep your heart soft. It is criticism that reminds us we are not what we think we are. We are not what others think us to be. God is everything.
Handling Criticism in a Biblical Way
Here are a few suggestions for handling criticism:
- Thank God for everything He uses to keep you humble.
- Ask God to teach you anything that needs to be learned from the criticism.
- Consider how they spoke of Jesus.
- Pray for your critic by name.
- Stop talking about it.
Allow criticism to be a means of experiencing more of the grace of God. Critics come. Criticism hurts. But it is your response that determines whether it makes you bitter or better.
The Snare of Accusation
Even more serious than criticism is accusation. Accusations are a sharper, more malicious form of criticism: they do not merely point out flaws, but actively condemn, divide, and destroy.
Accusations are damaging things. There are times that sin must be addressed and sinners confronted. That is called restoration — at least that is what it should be called. The ministry of reconciliation always has as its goal the restoration of sinners to fellowship with God. However, accusations are another thing altogether.
Perhaps it would help if we could recognize that accusations are not simply statements. They are one of the chief characteristics of a person named Satan. We often speak of his work in the Garden of Eden as a work of temptation. In fact, it began as a work of accusation. He accused God to Eve. Soon he would accuse Eve to God. That is the way accusers work. They accuse God to man, man to God, and one man to another. They accuse to excuse themselves. This is the nature of an accusation.
Satan does his work from Genesis to Revelation. Ask Job. In the final Revelation of Jesus Christ the devil is remembered as “the accuser of the brethren” (Revelation 12:10). He always has been, and he always will be — until God shuts him up!
Dealing with Accusations
How do you deal with accusations?
1. Ask God to give you discernment to know whose voice you are hearing.
The devil speaks through many subtle, beautiful snakes. It is not “just gossip.” It is certainly not the Lord. The Apostle Paul wrote of Satan that “…we are not ignorant of his devices” (2 Corinthians 2:11). Sadly, I think many of God’s people are. We fail to realize the danger and destruction in a single conversation.
Question: If you were to listen to this accusation, where would it lead? Satan always wants to divide. Accusations harm families, hurt people, and hinder the work of local churches. Be careful who you listen to.
2. Refuse to repeat accusations.
Do not become an accuser. When you do, you are simply bearing a resemblance to your first father, the devil. If an accusation comes to you go straight to the source. Do not become a tributary for carrying it further. Keep the right lines of communication open, and accusations will die (1 Timothy 5:19).
The cure for accusation is the fear of God. When we speak evil of others, it is evidence that we do not truly fear the Lord. Men of faith are willing to let God do the rebuking (Jude 9). We will treat men differently when we see God clearly.
3. Deal only with the truth, and only deal with the truth with grace.
The Lord Jesus was “…full of grace and truth” (John 1:14). It is helpful to remember that all of Satan’s accusations begin with some element of truth — distorted, incomplete, out-of-order. God’s people must insist that only truth be spoken and it must only be spoken in a spirit of love (Ephesians 4:15).
4. Guard your imagination.
The devil loves to work through the unsanctified imagination. He will suggest thoughts and allow them to fester. Big disruptions often begin with a little root of bitterness. Stop having such conversations with yourself and with the enemy! Give every thought to God and allow His peace to rule in your heart. (2 Corinthians 10:5).
5. Refuse to respond.
My pastor taught me this valuable lesson many years ago when he refused to answer unreasonable critics. Questions can be answered, but criticism cannot. Hold your peace and the Lord will fight for you. It was Jesus who when He was accused, “answered nothing” (Matthew 27:12).
Remember that you are not dealing with accusations – you are dealing with the accuser. This is one of Satan’s strategies to disrupt God’s people and God’s work. He can win a great victory if he can turn members of the Lord’s army against one another!
Keep Your Focus on the Lord
Accusations and criticisms will come. Expect it! They will come to you and they will come about you. This is spiritual warfare, and the enemy is always launching an assault against God’s soldiers. Do not fear men. Send every accusation Heavenward. Turn it to prayer, and let the Lord sort it out in His time and way.
The rest of the proverb I mentioned earlier is: “The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe. Many seek the ruler’s favour; but every man’s judgment cometh from the LORD” (Proverbs 29:25-26).
Keep your eyes on Him. Only He is worthy of such power in your life. The faithful life is a life of freedom. It is the only life worth living.
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